So as you know from previous blogs…I have 4 kids. I don’t let that stop me going out and about. I take them all with me (pre-covid). Whether it’s to do the grocery shopping or buying them clothes or running an errand, I take them with me.
I have a small problem and it’s people. I’ll explain…
It all starts from when I get ready to leave the house. One day my father in law came round to fix the handle on my bathroom door. I told him I was heading out and he said, “Are you taking ALL of them? How will you manage”. To which I replied, “Yes, we are all going and they are my kids. I will manage”.
His comment made me feel sad. I have 4 kids, not 10 and they are good kids. If a mother cannot manage her own kids then what chance has she got? I don’t spoil my kids and I don’t buy their love with material things. I believe in hard work and determination, therefore if they want to buy something they need to use their own money.
Back to my story, so I left the house slightly annoyed and headed to the supermarket. The kids were a little rowdy and not adhering to social distancing rules because they were playing tig. I could feel people staring. A woman even tutted at me. I know I’m not perfect and everyone has their off days but as I was already annoyed it didn’t take a lot to tip me over the edge. The kids were not being naughty, but they were loud. I asked them to keep their voices down but that didn’t work. I didn’t know what else to do so we finished the grocery shopping and headed off to run the first errand; return library books.
As we entered the library I could see that the library looked different. There was an A-board outside and arrows to direct you to the entrance. My children ran into the library so I did not have time to read what was written on the A-board. They tried to get around the barrier that the staff had created as part of their Covid 19 social distancing measures. As I spoke to one staff member about the changes to the library due to lockdown, another staff member shouted at my kids to tell them to get back behind the barrier. They immediately shifted towards me and stood still, almost scared at what just happened. Surely it would have been nicer if the librarian explained to the kids that the barrier was in place for a reason. They would have listened. Now I felt like this was a place I no longer wanted to be in. I picked up some books and we left the library. As I walked past the A-board, I noticed that it had instructions on it about entry into the library. Now I felt stupid as well. I should have read that before we went in.
As I strapped the kids into the car, I felt anxious. I could feel myself getting worked up and I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t stop thinking about the people judging me at the supermarket and then at the library. I do get panic attacks. I’m not ashamed of it. I have learned to deal with them. When I feel one coming on, i encourage the kids to breathe in and out with me and we get through it together. I feel that’s its important that my kids understand that it’s ok to want to let go of your troubles and press the reset button.
I decided not to finish off the rest of my errands that day and headed home. At home, my father in law was quick to point out that I looked beaten and maybe I should have left the eldest 2 kids with him.
So you see, it’s people that are my problem. I feel that they are quick to judge. They seem to forget that they were kids once and they too had young kids of similar ages at one point. Kids will be kids! I know when I see a mum struggling I always try and help if I can or send a smile their way to show that I understand. People don’t realise that their stares and tutting can have a negative impact on someone’s health. Especially someone like me who has had postnatal depression and struggled to cope when I first my first child.
Please be kind or just walk away!!!
By Mandeep Rai Kent
Mandeep Rai Canterbury 