Can’t live without them? Really, I’d love to meet someone who says this and means it.
My MIL started off as a dream, she was kind, considerate of my feelings and even went out of her way to ensure I was welcomed into the family. Sadly, this didn’t last long.
I am not 100% certain where things went wrong, but I started to notice that my MIL would have little digs at me and say things which, if my relationship with my DH was not strong, would have made me doubt that he was faithful. This very quickly turned into her blaming me for anything that ever went wrong in her life, even before she met me.
I like to think I am a fair person, I believe that everyone deserves a second chance, so when I was pregnant with my first child I felt that this could be my MILs chance to build our relationship and play a role in my family life again without the bitterness. It all started out okay, my MIL was supportive when I was unwell in pregnancy and she seemed excited about her first grandchild. However, sadly this too didn’t last. Before baby was even born my MIL was back to her old ways. She would pick fights and when my DH stood his ground and stood up for me she would ask him to choose, me or her.
I was shocked and dumbfounded, what had I ever done to cause such hatred in someone for me? My DH has always tried to assure me that this is not personal. He tells me that his mother is hard work and would have done the same to anyone he married. He always adds in haste that this does justify her behaviour.
When my DD was born, we announced the birth to the family, including my MIL. She came to see the baby but her focus was to fight, to get her own way. Enough was enough, I couldn’t have this toxic environment for my baby so she was asked to leave. Over the years, my DH and I have tried with my MIL, each time we have been pregnant,we have tried to include her in the joy but it always ends the same way.
Why do I bother? Because I believe that as long as my DH wants to try and fix his relationship with his mother, I woll support him. I feel sad that my children have no relationship with their grandmother, however I cannot force her to love the children anymore than I can force her to love me.
I always longed for marriage, children and loving in laws, but I am yet to meet anyone who lives that fairytale. My words of advice for anyone doing the same? Stand your ground and always voice to your DH how you feel. My DH supports me 100% because he can understand how the situation makes me feel. Never retaliate and get embroiled into a verbal (or physical!!) argument, always keeps yourself right. Walk away, take five minutes but never stoop to a level in which you are treating someone the same negative way the treat you, as you know how that feels..and two wrongs never make a right.
By Mandeep Rai Kent
Mandeep Rai Canterbury 