In our society it’s not uncommon now for people to open up about how they are feeling. i.e. anxious, experiencing panic attacks etc. The way that people cope with mental health is therefore a subject which is more open to discussion.
In the past I have had trouble getting my boys to open up to me. Even something as simple as, “Did you have a good day at school?” resulted in a word one reply, “GOOD!”.
So what did I do to change this?…I decided to change my tact and I started to ask open ended questions to encourage more conversation. So instead of asking “Did you have a good day at school?”, I thought of a bank of questions such as,
What did you do in school today?
Who did you play with today?
Tell me about the best part of your day.
Tell me about what you read in class.
Show me something that you learned in class today.
This allowed me to peer into the children’s day without it turning into an interrogation, but I still felt like I wanted to know more. Their school talks a lot about a positive growth mindset and upon investigation I came across journal writing and decided to buy a journal for them. I chose the Happy Self journal as it looked funky. I showed it to the boys and they reacted positively towards it. I did not position it as a tool for me to delve deeper into their minds, but merely a platform for them to air their thoughts and feelings.
In my experience, this is exactly what my boys were lacking. I wasn’t happy with one-word answers and I wanted to understand my boys better. This journal has allowed them to be more aware of their own feelings and express how they felt that day; happy or troubled.
Please note, I do not read their journals unless they are comfortable with me doing do. The boys know that I respect their privacy and we have a positive mother-son bond; therefore, I find that they tend to ask me to read their journal ON ONE CONDITION. I must wait until they are asleep. I have always felt that validating my child’s feelings allows me to connect with my child and this journal has been key to that. Thanks to Francesca at the Happy Self journal!!
In addition to the journal writing I have found another way for the boys to relax and be free from worries. I have encouraged mindfulness as they practise this in school, and I feel that it is important that they understand that school and home life are on the same wavelength. We have an Amazon Alexa in the living room, and I use this to encourage mindfulness. So how can you do this too?
*Go to your Alexa app
*Click on ‘skills and games’
*Search for ‘mindfulness for kids’. I have chosen the ‘be mindful’ skill.
*Enable this skill
Using the ‘be mindful’ skill, you can ask Alexa to play a five-minute meditation. My boys love it. It keeps them busy and better still, I can get 5 minutes peace.
I also encourage the boys to use Cosmic Kids Yoga on You Tube. Jaime and Martin make mindfulness and yoga fun and enjoyable on this channel and they draw the kid’s attention by using different themes for the yoga. I must admit, I have tried it myself and it was a new experience for me.
I have got to know my boys better using these methods and they have worked for me. I hope they work for you!
By Mandeep Rai Kent
Mandeep Rai Canterbury 