Mandeep Rai Canterbury

Hydrate your dry, cracked skin

For years I have hated my legs, I avoid wearing anything that leaves them exposed. I don’t hate the shape of my legs I just hate how dry they are. My skin is so dry that it appears cracked and over the years the itching has left dark patches on my legs.

I have tried every cream possible to hydrate my skin. I’ve fell hook, line and sinker to the usual adverts and over the years have spent thousands on products to resolve my issue, not just for appearances but also to stop the itching. I even tried my GP who prescribed me the usual creams but nothing worked.

Then, randomly, I mentioned my problem to a friend who casually said “all you need to do is apply bio oil daily”, I laughed as if it was THAT simple, then this wouldn’t be such an issue that plagues my life! However, as with all the other potions and creams, I am game to try everything… and I am glad I did.

Each day after a shower, I applied the bio oil. The instant result was that the itching stopped. My skin didn’t feel as dry at all… not even once the oil had been absorbed, unlike the creams the oil seemed to be longer lasting. I am in the 8th week of applying the oil and I kid you not, thw dark patches are slowly disappearing.

This has been a game changer for me, I’m not all about looks and appearances but I do feel its important to love yourself and feel happy in your body. A simple action of applying bio oil daily has literally changed my life. No more dry, cracked skin for me!

By Mandeep Rai Kent

COVID, Lockdown and children

I’ve mentioned before that the coronavirus has had a great impact on my youngest. It’s almost as if my youngest has been trapped indoors and at the start of the year when we went into lockdown, my DH and I had a fear of going outside in case we caught the virus and passed it onto the kids. It was a constant feeling of not being able to do anything. I’ve had to get my youngest used to being at home and that has been easy due to the lockdown, but it’s also been important to familiarise her with the outdoors.

I think like most of us, we thought that the coronavirus was going to go away in a month or so. It went from the UK being locked down for a few weeks to having this pandemic consume the whole of 2020. As coronavirus became a reality, it was so important for me to organise things for my family to do OUTDOORS. Due to my anxiety over the pandemic, I found a range of activities that suited my family.

It was so great to take walks near where we live. It was and is so important to make sure that we changed the route of our walks to keep the kids entertained and excited.
We rediscovered local parks around us and when the travel bans were not so strict we were able to travel to parks outwith our area and explore them too. My brood enjoyed this excitement as they didn’t know where we would go next and what would we find in the next park.

My kids really enjoy going to Herne Bay Memorial Park. Not only does it have a duck pond, but it also has ample space to kick a football. If you give boys a football they’re going to keep themselves busy for a while. Lol!!
I’ve used the outdoors for sensory play as well. Armed with paper and crayons, the kids have made pictures of tree rubbings and leaf rubbings. We have collected different flowers from the park and looked at the differences between them and noted the texture on each one.

I have been very vocal with my youngest making sure I’m emphasising what we are doing and what we can see around us and that has allowed me to interact in a positive way about our surroundings.

We haven’t only had fun in the park as we have a back garden and I have utilised that to the fullest too.
We invested in a sandbox for the garden and found different objects that can be filled with sand.
The kids have had messy play in the garden with paint. It doesn’t matter if they make a mess because it’s washable paint and it’s outside. I’ve just made sure that they’ve had their aprons on and that they are wearing clothes that I don’t mind getting a bit grubby.

It won’t be as relevant now, but back when the weather was good, we did have plenty of fun with water. Along with the garden hose we used different objects to fill up with water and my youngest especially loved loved loved playing with the water. I always made sure the kids were wearing their wellies and waterproof jackets. Of course for each of these activities mentioned, I dressed the kids according to the weather keeping them safe and warm.

We also really enjoyed having a picnic in our back garden on the grass using a picnic blanket big enough for all of us to sit on and preparing a small lunch for everyone. We managed to enjoy yourselves and have lunch in a different setting. This was just something that was different yet convenient. I did find that it was more relaxing than having a picnic in the park.

Another outdoor activity that the kids absolutely enjoyed was when we hired our bouncy castle for the back garden. The kids thoroughly enjoyed jumping up and down all day and tiring themselves out. It was an easy day for me.

Lastly, I feel it’s been so important to explore the weather outside with the kids, therefore I have taken the kids out whether it has been sunny or rainy or frosty. I’m not crazy! I do this so that they have the chance to explore different kinds of weather. I’ve made sure they have been dressed appropriately for the weather that day
So this is what I did and am still doing during this pandemic. What did you try to do differently during lockdown with your kids? I would love to hear from you!

By Mandeep Rai Canterbury

Memories… on a budget

Memories! Everyone wants to look back and remember the good times and the bad. As a mum of 4, I love to gather my kids around the fireplace on a cold night and flick through old photo albums. I always find that my boys use this time to deny ever being babies and they are so astonished that they too were the ‘new’ member of the family.

Every year my DH and I make a digital photo album. My DH uploads all the photos that we took over the year and I make it look all pretty. It can take a whole day to make this photobook, but it is totally worth it. I tend to buy credits through Photobox and they can give up to 3 months to create your masterpiece (if you need that long). Photos can be resized and edited to make the photobook extra special. I put a caption on each photo which really brings the memory to life. This is by far the best way to summarise the year and a great way to be able to look back on the past.

Furthermore, all my kids have their own scrapbook and the kids help me to fill it with lots of adventures. It includes drawings that they did in nursery/school. What we do is start a memory jar in January and then in December we take out all the memories and put them into the scrap book.I can’t keep them all, so only the very special memories make the scrapbook. I have also kept things like:

*the children’s hospital bracelet

*their school reports

*boarding pass from their first holiday abroad

* ticket stubs from concerts and plays seashells from that special trip to the beach

If there are things that I can’t fit into the scrapbook, I then make sure I take a picture and include it in the photo book.

As you can imagine, I have gone through a lot of clothes over the years and most of them have a story attached to them. I can’t keep all the items of clothing, therefore what I have done is make a mini patchwork quilt for each child.

First, I sifted through the kid’s baby clothes which were in bags in the loft. I picked out the ones that have the best memories attached to them and cut them into squares. I then sewed all the squares together to make a beautiful quilt which is full of memories.

Even more, I encourage my kids to write a journal and fill it out every single day. This has become a habit for them and also a great way for them to keep a record of how they feel. Looking back on past journals, I hope the journals will allow the kids to see how much they have grown as a person over the years.

Lastly, I have created an email address for each of my kids. Every few months I write them all an email detailing their achievements and any funny stories about them. You MUST remember to log into the kids email accounts regularly else the account is deactivated.

I hope you enjoy documenting your precious family memories… and if you have any ideas, please do share!

By Mandeep Rai Canterbury

How to encourage positive mental health in children

In our society it’s not uncommon now for people to open up about how they are feeling. i.e. anxious, experiencing panic attacks etc. The way that people cope with mental health is therefore a subject which is more open to discussion.

In the past I have had trouble getting my boys to open up to me. Even something as simple as, “Did you have a good day at school?” resulted in a word one reply, “GOOD!”.

So what did I do to change this?…I decided to change my tact and I started to ask open ended questions to encourage more conversation. So instead of asking “Did you have a good day at school?”, I thought of a bank of questions such as,

What did you do in school today?

Who did you play with today?

Tell me about the best part of your day.

Tell me about what you read in class.

Show me something that you learned in class today.

This allowed me to peer into the children’s day without it turning into an interrogation, but I still felt like I wanted to know more. Their school talks a lot about a positive growth mindset and upon investigation I came across journal writing and decided to buy a journal for them. I chose the Happy Self journal as it looked funky. I showed it to the boys and they reacted positively towards it. I did not position it as a tool for me to delve deeper into their minds, but merely a platform for them to air their thoughts and feelings.
In my experience, this is exactly what my boys were lacking. I wasn’t happy with one-word answers and I wanted to understand my boys better. This journal has allowed them to be more aware of their own feelings and express how they felt that day; happy or troubled.

Please note, I do not read their journals unless they are comfortable with me doing do. The boys know that I respect their privacy and we have a positive mother-son bond; therefore, I find that they tend to ask me to read their journal ON ONE CONDITION. I must wait until they are asleep. I have always felt that validating my child’s feelings allows me to connect with my child and this journal has been key to that. Thanks to Francesca at the Happy Self journal!!

In addition to the journal writing I have found another way for the boys to relax and be free from worries. I have encouraged mindfulness as they practise this in school, and I feel that it is important that they understand that school and home life are on the same wavelength. We have an Amazon Alexa in the living room, and I use this to encourage mindfulness. So how can you do this too?

*Go to your Alexa app
*Click on ‘skills and games’
*Search for ‘mindfulness for kids’. I have chosen the ‘be mindful’ skill.
*Enable this skill
Using the ‘be mindful’ skill, you can ask Alexa to play a five-minute meditation. My boys love it. It keeps them busy and better still, I can get 5 minutes peace.

I also encourage the boys to use Cosmic Kids Yoga on You Tube. Jaime and Martin make mindfulness and yoga fun and enjoyable on this channel and they draw the kid’s attention by using different themes for the yoga. I must admit, I have tried it myself and it was a new experience for me.

I have got to know my boys better using these methods and they have worked for me. I hope they work for you!

By Mandeep Rai Kent

Breastfeeding… demanding and exhausting, but so rewarding

I breastfeed all 4 of my kids and I thoroughly enjoyed the experience. I loved the bond it created between me and my children. I was adamant that I wanted to give them the best start in life and I feel positive about my overall breastfeeding experience.

When I had my first child, I was scared and I really tried my best to exclusively breastfeed. During the first four weeks I thought I was losing my mind. I was dealing with sleepless nights and I felt teary as I wasn’t sure if my dd was getting all the milk she needed. I remember one night, I got so worked up. My dd wouldn’t stop crying so I asked my husband to go out to the 24 hour supermarket and buy some formula milk. I was so confident that I was going to breastfeed my dd that I didn’t even look into formula milk. I just remember seeing an advert for Aptamil on the tv so I asked hubby to grab that. He came back with the formula milk and I thought that it would solve my problems. I made up a bottle and tried to give it to my dd, but she was not going to make it easy for me. She drank an ounce of the milk and then vomited all over me. After that day, I never went back to the formula. I decided to persevere with the breastfeeding.

During the first four weeks, I asked for help from my health visitor and I also found the breastfeeding support groups super helpful. I felt like I wasn’t alone and it gave me the will power to carry on. I learnt that breastfeeding was a new process for me and for my dd, so I had to be patient.

The main problem that I experienced was that my dd wasn’t latching on properly. When I was given an easy fix to this problem, I felt relieved and it made breastfeeding more comfortable and rewarding. My health visitor told me that my posture was all wrong and showed me the right way to position myself into my feeding chair. Once I got the hang of breastfeeding, it was brilliant.

As a British Indian, I did find that breastfeeding was a taboo in my culture. Female breasts are regarded as sexual objects therefore using them to feed a child is seen as shameful. I never felt comfortable breastfeeding in front of my extended family and neither did anyone suggest that I do so. When I had more than one baby, I did find it easier to express milk and feed the baby using a bottle. This had it’s own challenges as I felt that the family made a big deal out of the bottle and questioned how I was able to express milk from my breast. These questions made me feel anxious and embarrassed too.

I also felt that my mother in law passed a lot of judgement on my feeding. She was constantly telling me that I wasn’t satisfying my baby or that I wasn’t producing enough milk and the solution was to use formula milk as a top up. I never did that and I fought against her words. At that time I felt that I did not want to be judged as being a bad mother. I was able to feed all my children for the first 6 months and more.

I’m not going to lie… breastfeeding made me lose all my baby weight everytime. I felt great!! There are also other benefits of breastfeeding your baby exclusively. Breastfeeding is convenient and free. It helps reduce the baby’s chance of infections and it can protect the mother from some cancers.

I would also like to add that although breastfeeding was for me, you should follow your gut instead of listening to what others are telling you to do. You will know what is best for your baby and you should feel no guilt if you decide not to breastfeed.

By Mandeep Rai Canterbury, Kent

A lockdown Halloween!

Well its safe to say we cannot go trick or treating this year so I thought I’d look into ways we can celebrate at home!

Dress up…get the whole family involved and everyone dress up, whether its a traditional scary outfit or maybe go with your favourite superhero. Remember tu has 25% off just now, so grab a bargain whilst you can. For more information on this sale follow this link https://mandeepraicanterbury.family.blog/2020/10/17/sainsbury-tu-25-off-sale/

Get decorating… carve your pumpkins and go crazy on the spooky decor! In terms of picking pumpkins, I’m planning to take my kids to a pick your own pumpkin farm, I find its a great way to get into the Halloween mood!Now I have tried and failed many times when carving a pumpkin, but I finally found a method which works. I find the easiest way is to print off a template and secure it onto the pumpkin using tape. Then using a pumpkin carver or a sharp knife draw around the template and once you have completed the whole template, remove the paper and then cut out the excess pumpkin pieces. Free templates are readily available on Google, get creative!

Halloween games… heres a few ideas I found: Bob for apples – a childhood favourite, pumpkin decorating contest, pin the spider on the web. My personal favourite is a mummy wrap race, where we wrap up everyones legs with white crepe paper then have a race. The first one to the finish line with no rips in the paper wins!

Food and treats… with Christmas around the corner, supermarkets are packed with a large variety of snacks and treats that would be ideal for your Halloween celebrations, some even have some spooky cakes! Better yet bake some Halloween treats which will also keep your children entertained.

By Mandeep Rai Kent

Christmas Eve box ideas

I’m a massive fan of Christmas and as a family we have always done Christmas eve boxes. The whole point of the Christmas eve box is that it contains everything for a fun packed Christmas eve, right up to snuggling up in bed in your new pajamas so you’re ready to see what santa brings the next morning.

Some parents argue that these boxes are a waste of money, however the way I see it, its mostly stuff I’d have brought anyway and either given as Christmas gifts or just to entertain the kids leading up to Christmas. By presenting it as a Christmas eve gift I feel it not only gets the kids excited and marks the start of the Christmas festivities for us, but also by keeps the Christmas spirit alive.

A few people have asked me for ideas so thought I’d do a quick blog on the types of things I tend to add for kids and adults.

I’ll start with the kids boxes, I’ve listed loads of ideas but tend to pick a few rather than it being too busy.

Christmas themes pajamas
slippers or slippers socks.
Letter from santa – you can buy these from a lot of places online, or you can donate to the NSPCC in return for a personalised letter.
Cake/cookie mix to make Santa’s treats
Magic Reindeer food which the Elves leave for you to sprinkle outside for the reindeers – this is easy to make. Just mix glitter with some oats into a small bag.
A Christmas themed puzzle book/colouring in book.
Crayons or pencils
A small gift, for example a small Hot Wheels car or pretty necklace.
Christmas chocolate ie a chocolate shaped santa!
A Christmas themed movie
Snacks for the movie night ie pop corn or hot chocolate
A Christmas themed book, you can even buy some personalised books online.

Adults boxes tend be very similar to the kids ones but adding food treats or alcohol. You can usually pick up a bargain near Christmas for a box of gift sized miniatures of any tipple of your choice. And what adult doesn’t love a Toblerone at Christmas?!

For the presentation you don’t need to waste money on an official box that says its a “Christmas Eve Box”. Although most Supermarkets now have them for a good price. If you want to be more personal, you can use whats lying around the house…wrap up the delivery box and add a ribbon and your child’s name or use the hamper basket, even a pillow case or simply wrap up the gifts, leave them on the doorstep, ring the bell and watch the magic of Christmad begin!

If you have no time to buy all the little bits, in recent years, as these boxes have become more and more popular in the UK, it is now possible to buy pre made Christmas boxes. These tend to include a few activities, a Santa letter kit, and reindeer food so I find they are quite basic and I would add a few extras to these such as Christmas pyjamas.

Remember… it’s the most wonderful time of the year, after the year 2020 has been, let’s make sure Christmas is magical!

By Mandeep Rai Kent

MILs… can’t live with them…

Can’t live without them? Really, I’d love to meet someone who says this and means it.

My MIL started off as a dream, she was kind, considerate of my feelings and even went out of her way to ensure I was welcomed into the family. Sadly, this didn’t last long.

I am not 100% certain where things went wrong, but I started to notice that my MIL would have little digs at me and say things which, if my relationship with my DH was not strong, would have made me doubt that he was faithful. This very quickly turned into her blaming me for anything that ever went wrong in her life, even before she met me.

I like to think I am a fair person, I believe that everyone deserves a second chance, so when I was pregnant with my first child I felt that this could be my MILs chance to build our relationship and play a role in my family life again without the bitterness. It all started out okay, my MIL was supportive when I was unwell in pregnancy and she seemed excited about her first grandchild. However, sadly this too didn’t last. Before baby was even born my MIL was back to her old ways. She would pick fights and when my DH stood his ground and stood up for me she would ask him to choose, me or her.

I was shocked and dumbfounded, what had I ever done to cause such hatred in someone for me? My DH has always tried to assure me that this is not personal. He tells me that his mother is hard work and would have done the same to anyone he married. He always adds in haste that this does justify her behaviour.

When my DD was born, we announced the birth to the family, including my MIL. She came to see the baby but her focus was to fight, to get her own way. Enough was enough, I couldn’t have this toxic environment for my baby so she was asked to leave. Over the years, my DH and I have tried with my MIL, each time we have been pregnant,we have tried to include her in the joy but it always ends the same way.

Why do I bother? Because I believe that as long as my DH wants to try and fix his relationship with his mother, I woll support him. I feel sad that my children have no relationship with their grandmother, however I cannot force her to love the children anymore than I can force her to love me.

I always longed for marriage, children and loving in laws, but I am yet to meet anyone who lives that fairytale. My words of advice for anyone doing the same? Stand your ground and always voice to your DH how you feel. My DH supports me 100% because he can understand how the situation makes me feel. Never retaliate and get embroiled into a verbal (or physical!!) argument, always keeps yourself right. Walk away, take five minutes but never stoop to a level in which you are treating someone the same negative way the treat you, as you know how that feels..and two wrongs never make a right.

By Mandeep Rai Kent

The dreaded clock change… a parents own version of hell

It’s officially the end of another years summer time and the clocks are due to fall back an hour! This Sunday 25th October in the UK clocks go back one hour at 2am.

For all the carefree people in the world, this means an extra hour in bed… but for my fellow parents, this simply means a whole new challenge at bedtime and being woken up at some ungodly hour by our beloved children!

Lets start with some history…why do the clocks turn back? Did a child grow up and decide it would be a fun way to torture their parents? I jest, the main reason is too make more use of the daylight. We change our clocks during summer months inorder to move an hour of daylight from the morning to the evening thus by moving the clocks back now the morning will be lighter however evenings will be darker.

Now, many people have different methods to cope with this change. My child free friends never understand why this is a massive issue, they tell me to relax and let it play out. They obviously have never tried to reason with an overtired toddler at 11pm!

My tips to you are as follows:

Don’t try and simply move your childs bedtime to an hour earlier, they won’t be tired and you will exhaust yourself with the battle. Instead gradually move the bedtime by 15 minutes each night. Your child may naturally fall into the new routine (and if that’s the case, jackpot!).

You could add an extra bedtime story to your night-time routine. My DD loves when we do this, to make it fun we make up a story, each of us telling a sentence at a time using our imagination to build a story. This also allows your to spend extra downtime with your children which also encouraging their learning.

Another option is to allow them to stay up the extra hour and not start the bedtime routine until the “new” bedtime is due, now I am not a fan of this option. I tried this one year and it was a disaster, I ended up with 3 overtired and irate children. But hey, it may work for you.

If you have any suggestions, please comment below – it’s good to share!

By Mandeep Rai Kent

Insta vs reality

Scrolling through my Instagram feed I used to always have a pang of jealousy. How do people always have time to do their hair and make up, how come their children are always well-behaved, and how can they always afford to be out and about?

Actually, since this blog is about me being honest, it was always more than a pang of jealousy, it was a huge green eyed envy monster. That was until I looked closer…

I noticed people only post the good, the snap shots of happy moments, no one posts the shit days, the days where you just want to press the reset button.

I witnessed a mum once at the park, her son was screaming for a toy he lost, he was kicking his shoes off and refusing to get in the car, so, as we ALL do, his mother (I assume!) bribed him with a chocolate. I watched in awe as the boy immediately calmed down, ran to a bench and sat down to eat with a big grin on his face. Now, if that was me, I would use those five minutes of peace to get my stuff together, so that once my son had devoured the chocolate, I would essentially have my shit together. But no, this mother was not to be defeated, I watched her as she grabbed her phone and took the opportunity to take a picture of her happy little boy having what seemed to be the best time at the park.

Wow.

Now I would bet money that the picture which will be posted on social media will make everyone believe that the boy had a great day at the park, hey the mother may even say that the fresh air did her and her son the world of good. Maybe it did. I’m not bashing people who do this but… what have we become? We seem to live to please others, to get the likes, to seem we have the perfect life.

Well not me, I literally have no time for that nonsense. I embrace my pictures with my children where you’re lucky if I have brushed my hair and hey on a good day I may even chuck on a bra (don’t you love working from home!). And I will continue to strategically use the free moments in life to cuddle my children or to get my shit together because why do I care if others believe I do or don’t have a perfect life?

I used to be caught up in wanting to have the life that others seem to have. But when I look closer, I can see the cracks. These cracks are not all negative, they are a reality, they show a couple struggling, children having meltdowns, parents saving for months for that one trip to Legoland. We all need to remember social media is not real life.

My family life is my perfection. Yes we have ups and downs and by 8pm I’m exhausted but I wouldn’t have it any other way… not for all the likes in the world.

By Mandeep Rai Kent